Rolling in it

Spam filters can be somewhat annoying.  I recently made an online booking and when looking for the details later, couldn’t find what I needed.  Prompted by Mrs GOM, I looked in the junk folder to discover the missing email.

What I also discovered, which I didn’t know before today, is that I am the beneficiary of some quite substantial sums and I am worth millions.  I also learnt that there are quite a few people who have been acting kindly as custodians of my considerable wealth.

The first, Peter Ofili, the Senior Finance officer of the Nigerian Ports Authority, (also known as Frank Brown according to his email address), has $12.5 million waiting for me and wants to transfer it directly to my bank account “for our mutual benefit”.  That last sentence is a bit of a shame; I guess that means I’ll have to kiss goodbye to half of it, still, $6.25 million is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.  Happily for both of us, Mr Ofili has “every arrangement relating to this transaction diligently worked out hence you can be rest assured of 100% risk/hitch free transaction.”  What a top chap.

As if that news wasn’t joyous enough, you can imagine my surprise when, three days later, Mark David wrote to me with news that the late Edwin Gabriel has made me “a beneficiary to his WILL” (I’m not sure why he shouted that last bit, but with ten million dollars coming my way, it was worth trying to grab my attention).  This one could be a little tricky though, amongst various other details he required, including the name of my first pet and my favourite colour, he wants my fax number.  I haven’t had one for years, but I’ll be nipping out to Dixons PC World later this morning to address the deficiency.

Charles Bailey of the Union Bancaire Privée in Jersey has also been in touch.  He’s a lovely fella; very concerned with my mental health as he writes, “I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.”  He tells me he’s been with the bank for 15 years, beginning as a junior clerk in 1983.  Once he’s sent me the $37 million from the pseudonymous Karl Henning (who is really the deceased Ferdinand Marcos, but I mustn’t tell anyone in case his family find out), I’ll send him a calendar.

As much as I appreciate his concerns for my health, I think his sympathy would be better placed with Mr’s (sic) Caroline Pascal, the widow of Dr George Pascal who worked at the French Embassy in Ouagadougou, the capital city of Burkina Faso (it is, I checked, you can’t be too sure about these things).  Mrs Pascal’s in a bad way, her doctor recently informed her that she only has “seven months due to cancer problem”, albeit she adds, that the ailment that “disturbs me most is my stroke sickness”.  The poor love.  Her benevolent husband deposited $10.9 million that was destined for charity work to help people in the street.  She’d like me to hang on to 30% of it and distribute the rest to orphans.  Frankly, I’m already $53.25 million up for the day, the orphans can have the lot.

Burkina Faso seems to be a rich source of funds, Bekiana Kipkalya also has $5.2 million for me, and I can keep half of it if I help her get a place at a decent university.  What a shame the Trump University is now defunct.  Its focus on asset management, entrepreneurship, and wealth creation seem to be just the things that Ms Kipkalya requires; it might also teach her to be a little more prudent in the management of her hoard.

Astonishingly, there’s a lot more that’s heading my way – my share of the $63.8 million available is $27.1 million, although Jacques Dassa, of the “Sahelo-Saharan Bank for Investment and Trade Benin Republic” (which, if he’d spelled it correctly, would exist) has somehow learnt that I’ve got a few bob heading my way.  He’s provided me with the bank details of Bill Douglas, an American who is, according to Mr Dassa, my next of kin.  In what has come as an additional surprise to me, Mr Douglas has informed my correspondent that I am seriously ill in hospital and I need to send him $1.2 million, presumably to pay my hospital bills should Nigel Farage ever get his way with the NHS.  Although I’m over $80 million better off than I was when I woke this morning, my health seems to be okay, so I’ll keep that cash in my pocket.

The first of these emails arrived with me on 8 May and I’ve had 12 more since.  Whilst I’m keen to get my sweaty little palms on the cash, to be on the safe side, I’ve forwarded them to NFIBPhishing@city-of-london.pnn.police.uk, the email address provided by Action Fraud, the National Fraud & Cyber Crime Reporting Centre.  As amusing as I have found these clumsy attempts to elicit my details and raid my account, they do represent genuine fleecing activity and a look on Action Fraud’s website provides details of other fraud scams that are frightening in their sophistication.  If you feel you’re at risk, or are concerned for someone that might be, their website is a useful resource.

Of course, if you’re wise to these fraudsters, you may just prefer to enjoy the treatment given to them in his ubiquitous show Joe Lycett’s Got Your Back.  I’d do something similar myself, but I’m going to be far too busy keeping an eye on that junk email folder…

Twitter: @GOMinTraining
Copyright © Craig Brown, 2019
31 May 2019

All things being equal...

The Women’s World Cup starts next month, and I am looking forward to it mightily.  I’ve had a life-long love of football and Mrs GOM despairs whenever there’s an international tournament during the Northern Hemisphere’s off-season, as the brief respite she gets from having to suffer the sport is foreshortened by the summertime coverage.

She does have the good grace to allow me to watch and has occasionally accompanied me to fixtures that she’d rather not sit through.  One such fixture was the 2012 Women’s Olympic final at Wembley, where not only Mrs GOM, but both the junior GOMs were hauled along.  Surprisingly, the enjoyment was unanimous.  We saw a brilliant game between the USA and Japan with the USA triumphing 3 – 0 and Daughter of GOM got to wave the flag of her birth-right with pride.

Despite the score, it was a very competitive match, played at high intensity and with all the skill and technique one would expect from an elite football match.  Joyously, the only thing lacking was the histrionics of the men’s game.  Tackled players popped to their feet without resorting to a quarter-length pitch roll à la Neymar; the absence of the theatrics did not diminish the theatre.  So, if you’ve never taken the time to watch the women’s game, I urge you to switch on the TV on 7 June, encourage your nearest and dearest to perch on the sofa with you, and enjoy the unfolding events.

Unfortunately, this year’s competition won’t be graced by Ada Hegerberg, who has been voted the BBC Women's Footballer of the Year 2019, an award which follows her win in 2018 of the inaugural Ballon d'Or Féminin, a prize determined by football journalists, that arguably crowns the best player in women’s football[1].  She has also just helped her club team, Olympique Lyonnais Féminin, to their fourth consecutive Champions League title, scoring a hat-trick along the way, in their 4 – 1 defeat of Barcelona.

Ada hails from Norway and would likely be the first name on the team sheet in every national manager’s team if they had a player with her talent.  She won’t, however, be attending the World Cup.  Not because Norway didn’t qualify, they did, winning their group.  She’s not injured either; judging from her performance in the Champions League final, she’s in the form of her life.  No, it’s much simpler than that.  Ada Hegerberg will not be attending the World Cup because in 2017, she walked away from Norway's national team after growing increasingly frustrated with its set-up and what she called a “lack of respect” for female players.

She’s a little reticent to go public with the specifics of her concerns; she fears distortion and has stated that “... things are going to blow up everywhere” if she speaks.  She has also said that she has been clear in her points with the Norwegian Football Federation (NFF) about what they need to do to improve equality in the game.  Bear in mind that the NFF was the first in world football to offer women pay parity with the men’s national team, but as Hegerberg said in a recent interview with the BBC, “It’s not always about money.  It’s all about attitude and respect.  We are talking about young girls, giving them the same opportunity as boys, giving them the same opportunity to dream.

“If you change those attitudes in the beginning, things will automatically change as well.

“The men in the suits cannot see that.  They’re going to understand one day that this is more about society than modern football.  It’s so important for me, that I can’t sit and watch things not going in the right direction. And it would be easy for me to perform, do my thing and just stay quiet.  But I think it’s so much bigger than that.

Martin Sjörgen, Norway’s coach who confirmed that Hegerberg would not play for the team said, “We tried to solve it, we had meetings, but she decided not to play."  Clearly, he and the men of the NFF did not try hard enough and have failed to address their much deeper failings.

The BBC interview and the comments from Sjörgen point to a more nuanced argument than one that can be addressed by mere structural changes, although pay parity is a small step in the right direction.  Fundamental change begins with a shift in attitude, a recognition that equality is needed regardless of gender.  Hegerberg’s voice is important and she recognises it, “Winning all these individual trophies or with a team, all the success gives you a voice.  And it’s not about me.  It’s never been about me.  It’s about getting the change that needs to be done for sport.”

But it’s not just in sport, it’s in all walks of life.  Change is required in schools, the workplace, and in society.  Equality isn’t a women’s issue.  It’s one for all of us, we have a shared responsibility to address the everyday imbalances that exist; in health, education, care giving, treatment in the media, representation, pay and opportunity; all are areas that need attention.

Ada Hegerberg has taken a bold stance, sacrificing her career as an international footballer.  Her voice is important, as are the voices of millions of other women, influential or otherwise.  What’s equally important is the need to listen to what they’re saying and to act.  That, I would argue, is very much a job for the men.

A postscript from Mrs GOM: In what is a rich irony, I gave the GOM one job to do today – to hang out the washing.  Needless to say, whilst he was advocating for women’s rights, the machine remained full until I got home from work to empty it.

Twitter: @GOMinTraining
Copyright © Craig Brown, 2019
24 May 2019

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[1] FIFA has a separate award for the women’s best player that last went to the Brazilian, Marta, a six-time winner.

The right to choose

I’m not a great student of Geography, but apparently, to get to Alabama you turn left at the end of the 20^th century and walk on for 30 years.  When you get there, you’ll find that its State legislature goes back even further in time and is filled with dinosaurs; in this case 99 of them.  74 in Alabama’s House of Representatives and a further 25 in its Senate, who have just determined that it will be illegal to have an abortion in the state.  The ruling didn’t even pass with a slim majority; only three in the House and six in the Senate opposed the bill.

I’m a little apprehensive about commenting on this subject.  It’s a divisive issue and what I’m about to say may be offensive to some.  Of greater concern though, is that I am commenting on something I will never experience.  By default, any empathy that I have can only ever fall short.  It doesn’t mean, though, that I cannot feel and express my outrage at the decision and express my support for women everywhere.

The Alabama bill was near total in its ban.  It makes no exceptions for pregnancy resulting from rape or incest, an insanely wicked position.  There was an attempt to introduce an amendment to the bill in the Senate that would have provided exceptions for victims of rape and incest, but that failed by a vote of 21-11.  In what may come as no surprise whatsoever, all the votes against the amendment were cast by men.  Included among them was Sen. Clyde Chambliss of Prattville, AL; clearly a place named after him, who argued that the ban was still fair to victims of rape and incest because those women would still be allowed to get an abortion until she knows she's pregnant.  Never mind that the victim’s trauma may leave them utterly afraid and paralysed into taking the action that he is suggesting.  It’s an inhuman response from a privileged man who is utterly ignorant of the suffering a rape victim experiences.

Although Kay Ivey, Alabama’s Governor, is a woman, her gender didn’t make her any more sympathetic when she signed the ban into law on Wednesday.  In a statement that evening, Ivey wrote, "Today, I signed into law the Alabama Human Life Protection Act.  To the bill's many supporters, this legislation stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians' deeply held belief that every life is precious & that every life is a sacred gift from God."

She’s the same person who signed the authority to execute Michael Brandon Samra, whose life ended yesterday.  I’m not advocating capital punishment and I don’t condone Michael Samra’s crimes, they were horrendous; he murdered four people including two girls aged six and seven and he should be punished, however it’s the hypocrisy of Governor Ivey’s statement that I find extraordinary.  Clearly not every life is precious and the sacred gift from God that she claims.

Alabama’s Senate Majority Leader, Greg Reed, didn’t do much better when he said the legislature was carrying out “the express will of the people, which is to protect the sanctity of life,” yet according to a Tweet from the think tank Data for Progress, “there is no state in the country where support for banning abortion reaches even 25 percent.”

There is one exception to the ‘Human Life Protection Act’ which is when an “abortion is necessary in order to prevent a serious health risk” to the woman, according to the bill's text.  Presumably the damage to the mental health of a woman who has been raped and is carrying the child of her attacker wouldn’t be considered a ‘serious health risk’.

The bill also criminalises an abortion procedure, classifying it as a Class A felony which could result in a custodial sentence for the doctor performing the act of up to 99 years.  It’s not inconceivable that the punishment meted out to a rapist causing the pregnancy could be shorter than that of the doctor who has terminated it.

Alabama is not alone.  Others are seeking to systematically dismantle women’s rights.  At least 15 other states have either enacted, or propose to enact, abortion bans, underpinning a broad strategy from anti-abortion activists who are seeking to persuade the U.S. Supreme Court to reconsider the 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling, which legalised abortion nationwide.

Americans aren’t remaining silent on the subject, civil right advocates and pro-choice organisations such as the ACLU and Planned Parenthood will mount legal challenges in order to stop the law from taking effect – there are many battles to be fought.  Other groups such as Alabama’s The Yellowhammer Fund and the National Network of AbortionFunds are working to provide finance and support to women who will need to cross state lines to seek lawful abortion procedures.

America’s legislators are failing in their duty to protect women’s health.  They are choosing to pander to a core of constituents with sanctimonious views that suit their interpretation of scripture.  Senator Chambliss stated, “that if we terminate the life of an unborn child, we are putting ourselves in God’s place,” and he doesn’t see any irony in his words.

Sen. Vivian Figures attempted to provide him some perspective when she addressed him, “You don't have to raise that child, you don't have to carry that child, you don't have to provide for that child, you don't have to do anything for that child, but yet you want to make that decision for that woman, that that's what she has to do.”  Perhaps she should have gone a bit further and asked him to imagine if the victim was one of his daughters.

I find it astonishing that the American people are even facing a risk to the landmark legislation that Roe v Wade represents.  How is it that America’s law makers can even contemplate make anachronistic decisions that are morally bankrupt and utterly insensitive to women’s health?  Whilst legislators continue to propose and pass these draconian bills, consider the impact they will have on the health of thousands of American women.

The actions of legislators in Alabama and other states that are threatening the rights of women should be under the microscope, and they should be held to account at the ballot box and removed from office, replaced by officials better equipped to govern in the 21^st century.  That is an opportunity that presents itself infrequently and can only be exercised by the local electorate.  There is more though, that can be done.  There are links in this post to the organisations that are resisting the threat to women’s freedom to choose.  If you feel in anyway compelled, give generously.

Twitter: @GOMinTraining
Copyright © Craig Brown, 2019
17 May 2019

https://www.aclu.org/

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/

https://yellowhammerfund.org/
https://abortionfunds.org/

Leave our flag alone

It was with great interest that I listened to an excellent sermon by the local vicar during our recent patronal service.  Normally this service is closer to St George’s Day on 23 April, but given the timing of Easter this year, we observed the service last Sunday.  Some may find this a little odd, but as Revd Becky pointed out, in Palestinian culture the feast is held on 5 May, so we were bob-on for the celebration somewhere in the world.

Our church is named ‘St George the Martyr’ so there’s a connection to England’s favourite dragon slayer and we’ve an excellent stained-glass depiction of him jabbing ‘Ascalon’[1] through the subdued reptile’s belly.  I suspect that a lot of people in the UK associate St George with this warrior saint from the Crusades (actually, I suspect a lot of people haven’t got the foggiest notion about him, but in the interests of narrative expression, I’ll stick with my assertion).

However, the legend of Saint George and the Dragon has been borrowed and distorted on so many occasions that there’s no clear definitive source to its origins.  It’s suggested that it has pre-Christian roots in Greek mythology and has been attributed to plenty of other saints before George even had a sniff, though he got the lasting credit sometime during the 11^th Century, presumably when someone said “My saint’s bigger than your saint.”

That does beg the question, “Who is the real St George?” and I’m glad you asked.  He’s not remotely English for a start.  He didn’t so much as pay a visit to Blighty.  Nope, George was a Cappadocian Greek soldier who was sentenced to death and executed for refusing to recant his Christian faith on 23 April 303 AD.  Yes, he was a soldier (for the Romans, so probably an immigrant), no, he didn’t slay a dragon, and by the time the Crusades got going, he’d been pushing up daisies for about 700 years.

So for the far-right to add to the distortion and adopt the English flag, with it’s Christian association of the blood of Christ on the cross, and suggest that St George is the embodiment of all that is English and a staunch defender of our ways and customs is, I’m delighted to say, a load of bollocks.  Albeit, our lovely vicar managed to express that sentiment somewhat more eloquently.

Politics and religion shouldn’t mix; the founding fathers in the US were particularly specific about separation of Church and State, but there’s about as much hope of that happening as Barça winning this year’s Champions League.[2]

I tend not to ‘do’ politics.  Not because I don’t have an opinion, but rather because I have so many, most of them conflicting.  Election time for me is genuinely a time to reflect on the options before me and make a choice based on what I think will represent the best outcome.  Being a liberal conservative with a strong sense of social justice doesn’t half make it hard to have an argument about the need for austerity whilst ensuring we have greater levels of funding for education and the NHS and, whilst I’m at it, we have a desperate need to bring both highly-skilled and hardworking immigrants into the country to keep our institutions running and the country fed.

Equally, expressing my religious affiliation is something that I tend to steer clear of unless asked, primarily out of respect to others who might exercise their right to follow a different faith or none at all.  I don’t wish to evangelise and I’m not looking to be recruited.  I am content simply to be a part of my local church community, worship with like-minded people and try to observe the tenets of my faith, conscious that every time I’m being critical, I’m casting the proverbial first stone.

On this occasion, I’m going to make an exception for both which is to make a statement to the far-right politicians and their followers, which sadly, will probably go unheard.

The flag is not yours.

The flag of St George doesn’t represent your views.  It isn’t an embodiment of nativism, racism and xenophobia.  It doesn’t stand for a country that rejects social equality and favours white supremacism.  It’s a Christian symbol, of an immigrant soldier that is deeply rooted in his values and beliefs.  So, “Eff-off and leave it alone.”

Far-right ideology is poisonous.  It invites hatred, it creates divisions, it is manifestly evil and its proponents are destroying our country, which is already bitterly divided over Brexit.  Our country was led down the garden path by lying and scheming politicians that include prominent establishment figures such as Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg.  The BBC and other mainstream media are once more giving Nigel Farage disproportionately more airtime than other pro-European politicians so that he can peddle his odious message which is undermining the fabric of our country.  They should stop.

In recent local elections, pro-European parties, in particular the Liberal Democrats and the Green Party, presided over a significant shift in the local-body political landscape.  I believe that those results suggest that the country has woken to the truth that we were lied to during Brexit campaigning, that we will be considerably worse off out of the European Union and that we’d like to have the opportunity to vote again on the subject now that we have a much better understanding of reality.

Astonishingly, Theresa May stated that the “local elections send a simple message to just get on and deliver Brexit.”  That is utter nonsense and yet another illustration of a Prime Minister who has lost touch with her party, the electorate and her senses.  Clearly the pressures of dealing with a divided government, an insidious party, and an incoherent opposition have sent her out of her mind.

It all makes for a state of despair, and gives me something truly GOM-worthy to moan about.  Sadly though, this rant doesn’t make the situation any better, but does leave me with a genuine question, “How do we make our politicians listen?”  The answer, unfortunately, is probably by saying things that they want to hear, which is incredibly maddening and unlikely to happen, unless of course Mr Farage wants me to call him a self-serving, narcissistic, arrogant prick; in which case, I will.

What more can we do?  A million people marching in London to call for a People’s Vote, an overwhelming swing in the fortunes of those parties that favour remaining in Europe, and the emergence of fraudulent activity and dishonest claims in the original referendum, seem not to be enough to foster action to revisit our malaise.

Unlike St George who was martyred for upholding his beliefs, Theresa May’s dogged determination to stick to a flawed Brexit result will not result in her canonisation.  Rather, she’ll take the country a step closer to a ruinous landscape that will leave us all worse off, the far-right included.

Twitter: @GOMinTraining
Copyright © Craig Brown, 2019
10 May 2019

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[1] If you watch Game of Thrones, you’ll know that all the best swords have a name.

[2] Did I mention I’m a Liverpool fan?

Spoiler alert

There was a time, not so long ago, when if you missed a TV show, you had to get your friends to tell you what happened.  In those days, there was an imperative to have the conversation, so that by next week’s episode, you’d be up to speed.

That changed a little with the advent of video recorders, albeit, only the kids could keep up with their shows, because the adults were clueless about the technology.  For me, this meant that I no longer needed to be the only child in the playground who’d watched ‘Coronation Street’ at the expense of ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’ and I finally got to understand why the other boys went doe-eyed when talking about Daisy Duke.

What this also signalled, was the arrival of the spoiler, although back then, we didn’t have a name for it, we just knew we wanted to avoid them.  Admittedly, it has always been the case with movies.  If you didn’t get to see it before the news was out, you’d be bloody livid if someone told you about Vader and Luke in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ or if they revealed the shocker from ‘The Force Awakens’; there were plenty of reports about beatings due to spoilers following that one, happily, they were largely hoaxes (though I wish I could be more categoric).

As technology has evolved, the landscape has changed, and we are now firmly entrenched in the age of the spoiler.  On-demand TV, streaming services and the ability to record multiple channels simultaneously means that there are now an astonishing number of shows available, but with insufficient leisure time to watch them.

Between us, Mrs GOM and I have three lists on the go with 25 different series recommendations, and those are just the ones that people can remember over a pint.  I’ve stopped going to the pub in case I come home with another 36 hours of binge watching ahead of me.

Whilst I say 25, in reality, it’s 23.  ‘The Unforgotten’ was common to all three lists, which by my reckoning must account for a show worth watching, so I suggested to Mrs GOM that we tackle that one next.

  “I’ve already watched it,” she replied.

  “What?  When?”

  “When I was doing the ironing.”

  “But…”  There wasn’t much more I could say really, as a large proportion of the ironing is done on my behalf, however, I have made a note to restrict future shirt purchases to the non-iron variety.

The situation, if not the ironing pile, is only going to get worse.  Wall Street is predicting that Amazon Studios will spend somewhere between $6-8 billion on original content in 2019.  That pales by comparison with what they’re forecasting for Netflix, a whopping $15 billion.  By any accounting, that’s going to result in a hell of a long list of fresh spoilers to avoid.  That said, hopefully they’ll divert some of that cash my way, I’ve got a brilliant idea for a series that would only use a fraction of their budget.  Let them know to give me a shout.

Of course, this week’s little rage doesn’t entirely stem from the number of programmes available to watch, but rather from a couple of spoilers that have emerged following the start of season 8 of ‘Game of Thrones’ (‘GoT’, as distinct from ‘GOM’).

It doesn’t help that Daughter of GOM (D of G) is obsessed with GoT and (failure to exercise parental responsibilities aside) has watched the lot.  Mrs GOM and I, somewhat late to the party, have only just reached episode 1 of season 5, so are doing our best to avoid learning which characters remain alive.

It’s also not entirely helpful that GoT will probably have finished before we even reach the next season, as we’re not allowed to watch it unless D of G is present.  That isn’t so much because she wants to refresh her memory, rather, it’s so she can build upon her private GOM family ‘Gogglebox’ collection by recording our reactions to some of GoT’s more shocking moments and, despite failing to exercise appropriate parental controls over the Wi-Fi connection, we are keen that we limit our time in front of the TV, so that she spends a little more time in front of her text books rather than on the sofa generating content for YouTube.

Additionally, the global simulcast at 2.00am, and D of G’s desire to avoid spoilers the following day, has not made for widespread domestic harmony, nor particularly ideal study conditions for her forthcoming GCSE exams.  Shame there’s not a GoT GCSE, D of G would ace it.

Despite her obsession, it must be said that D of G is at pains to avoid sharing spoilers with us.  The house is regularly filled with unfinished sentences as she realises, mid-conversation, that if she continues she’s potentially going to give the game (of Thrones) away.  Sadly, the same is not the case with the Twittersphere, so with apologies to some of my dearest friends, I’ve unfollowed you on Twitter until the hysteria has ended, although it may be simpler to become a Trappist Monk.  At least that would come with the added benefit that they make a decent beer and it would compensate for not going to the pub.

As I pause for lunch, about to watch episode 11 from season 4 of ‘Breaking Bad’, I reflect that all is not lost.  When scanning my phone for one of the lists of shows, I came across a long-forgotten catalogue that was also compiled during a visit to a pub, the ‘Gin list’.  Now there’s a different form of binge to be getting on with.

Twitter: @GOMinTraining
Copyright © Craig Brown, 2019
4 May 2019