As anyone with a mildly competitive nature will know, having victory snatched from you at the end of a dramatic campaign is agonising. And so it would have felt to many New Zealanders this week, but in particular those of Baldwin Street in Dunedin, as they learnt that the title of the world’s steepest street actually goes to Ffordd Pen Llech in Harlech, Wales.
Now I’m not too sure, but I don’t recall any great seismic activity occurring in the Welsh valleys this week, so presumably it’s been a peaky street for a while. In fact, the Welsh claim to the title was at risk of coming unstuck under the criteria set by the Guinness Book of Records, which demands that a blueprint exists for the road. Apparently, they were a bit shabby with their recording keeping in the 13th century; the plans for the road up to Harlech Castle seem to have gone missing. The enterprising man who led the Welsh bid, Gwyn Headley, had a local surveyor, Myrddyn Phillips, an expert on mountain measuring, draw up the missing documents and history has now been re-written.
In other news, the Kiwi cricket team narrowly missed out on becoming world champions in a tied match with England in the Cricket World Cup.
I am reminded of this every day during advertising breaks on Sky Sports UK. I’d like to think they’ll stop replaying the final act of the game soon, although I suspect it’ll be years before they do. It might be easier for me to simply cancel my subscription.
I posted during the week that it’s so much easier to be magnanimous when you win, so with apology for what is about to follow, I will tell you that I hardly slept on Sunday night. Video replays kept running through my head: Trent Boult’s stumble onto the boundary rope, Ben Stokes’ inadvertent diversion for four overthrows, Jason Roy’s throw to Jos Butler to run out Martin Guptill – all pivotal moments in what was the most dramatic game of cricket I’ve ever witnessed.
On Monday morning, in an act of sadomasochism, I poured over reports of the match, trying to find a report that would change the result. Extraordinarily I did. The Telegraph reported that the umpires got it wrong when awarding six runs for the Stokes’ diversion, it should have been five. Job done, we won, pack your bags and go home.
Sadly, that’s not how it works.
Former Australian umpire, Simon Taufel, one of the greatest ever to stand, confirmed the error. But he also added that “We're not perfect. You've got the best two umpires in the elite panel doing the final. They're doing their best like the two teams are. This is just part of the game.” It’s easy to forget that they, like the teams, were also experiencing enormous pressure and are fallible – we all are.
I scoured the New Zealand Herald, hoping to take comfort from the mutual handwringing of my compatriots. We can be a self-flagellating bunch, us Kiwis, so the Herald took the opportunity to remind its readers that we’ve come close to winning things on many occasions and helpfully listed the six narrowest defeats in NZ sporting history. In reverse order they cited:
- Jack Bauer, being denied the Kiwis’ first Tour de France stage win, when he was swamped by the sprinters about a dozen pedal strokes from the finish after being at the front of the race for over 200 kilometres
- Andrew Nicholson, on his horse Spinning Rhombus, in the 1992 Olympics, having seven rails up his sleeve and managing to knock down nine
- Donna Loffhagen, who, with 17 seconds left, missed a close range shot in the 1999 Netball World Cup final, allowing the Aussies to nip down the other end and seal the game
- The All Blacks, losing to the Wallabies in three consecutive Bledisloe Cups in 2000, 2001 and 2002 by conceding the winning points in the last seconds of each game, twice after the 80 minutes were up
- Dean Barker and Team New Zealand’s oh-so-near win in the 2013 America’s Cup – they were 8-1 up in the best of 17 series and just short of the line to take their ninth victory when the 40-minute time limit was exceeded, they then went on to lose the next 8 races; and in the number one spot
- The Black Caps in Sunday’s defeat at the hands of the English due to an arcane rule relating to the number of boundaries scored.
It didn’t help to improve my mood, although the NZ Herald failed to mention the under-arm bowling incident at the MCG in 1981, which could have made it worse.
As if that wasn’t enough of a jab to the heart, I learnt that England’s hero of the day, Ben Stokes, was born in Christchurch, New Zealand and had his first 12 years there before migrating with his family to the UK. I challenge any fisherman to come up with a better story of the one that got away.
That’s not to say that other countries don’t suffer near misses in the way that New Zealand does. I remember only too well the gut-wrenching weeping and plaintive cry of “They should have f*^king won” from a friend in the aptly named ‘The Albion’ pub in Islington on the night that England bowed out of the 1996 European Championship in a semi-final penalty shoot-out at the hands of the Germans.
One only needs to type ‘Heart-breaking defeat’ into Google and, once you’ve got past the first eight pages that mention NZ cricket, you’ll come across plenty of other examples. Why, just yesterday, Bradley Wiggins lost his 2012 accolade of being the first Brit to win a Grand Tour as the 2011 Vuelta a Espana was awarded to Chris Froome, with Juan Jose Cobo being stripped of his title for a doping violation.
Through it all, I can reflect on the dignity shown by the New Zealand captain, Kane Williamson, and the rest of the team who have been exemplars of sportsmanship. Trent Boult, the man charged with bowling the final ‘super-over’, apologised on behalf of himself and the team for letting the country down.
You didn’t, no one did, there’s no need for an apology.
If an apology is due, it should come from the Welsh. They’ve had that flippin’ road for 800 years. Surely, they could have waited a week.
Twitter: @GOMinTraining
Copyright © Craig Brown, 2019
19 July 2019
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